How I Came To Be Mommy's Little Girl

I am quite certain that it was never some sinister plan of my mother to raise me as a girl. That I grew up to be a girl was did without question bring her a great deal of joy and happiness, but I am also convinced that she had to on occasion question herself for some of the decisions she had made.

Yet while I do not feel it was her design for my life that I become her little girl, I am equally convinced that as Veronica I am the end  product of her hopes and dreams.  I truly believe if she had not found pleasure in having a 'daughter' that I would have never become her little girl.

As I shared in the overview  tab, Mom wanted a daughter and complications during child birth left a second child other than myself, a son, behind.  By her own admission, Mom went into a state of depression.  As she would later share with me, the only times she ever truly felt happy were those occasions she would dress me up as a girl.  In our youngest years, all it takes is a dress and a ribbon in the hair and one is seen as a girl toddler.

There are times in our lives when a mother's smile, shared laughter, a loving embrace, a kiss on the cheek, a casual compliment can have an enormous impact on us.  I truly feel that at a time when I was coming to know myself most of the positive reinforcement that came my way came to me as a girl and not as a boy.

While I am confident that Mom never intended to seal my fate, I am quite certain that over my infant and t toddler  years I continually got the message that Mommy was happier with me as a girl.   And I wanted Mommy to be happy.  And given my limited understanding of 'boy' and 'girl' I took pleasure in being a girl for Mommy.

I entitled this post 'How I Came To Be Mommy's Little Girl."  I chose this title because there are reasons behind my preferences as a young boy of six for my wanting to be a girl.  As I grew older, those reasons ceased to have the same relevance. As I grew older, I had the ability (but never the desire) to change my life.

 By the start of my high school career, the most important choices regarding my life, particualrly as related to Veronica, were my choices. There was never a time in my life when I felt I could not have approached my mom about being a boy again.

I simply had no desire to do so.  And of course once I turned eighteen, I was legally an adult and all my choices were my own.  And I chose to continue life as Veronica.