I Was Never A Boy

I was never a boy. While this may seem to be a bold assertion, it is a core essential of my life. I may have been declared a boy by the doctor after delivery. My parents may have told all of their friends and family that I was a boy. My dad may have thought of me as a boy and I may have stood in the boy line in the first grade when we lined up to go outside for recess. None of this made me a boy.

As I have grown older, my memories of my earliest years have become foggier.  But I can not recall a single time in my life when I felt as though I was a boy.  Every memory I have of these early years are memories of me and Mom, Mom and Veronica, with the singular exception of some memories of me and my dad.  But even in  these memories I am trying to be the son he wanted me to be, which was an effort.  Being the daughter to my Mom always came effortlessly.

There may have been a time when I had questions as to whether or not I was a boy or a girl. There was probably a time when I did not think of myself as a girl which is to also say I did not think of myself as a boy. But to the best of my memory, I always saw myself as a girl.

In my youngest years, it was inconsequential to me that I had a penis.  Girls wore dresses and boys did not and I wore dresses.  Enough said.

As I grew older, as I came to understand that there was more to being a girl than wearing dresses and that having a penis was not something girls had, it remained inconsequential.  Imagine me as pictured in the pink dress above.  Did I feel any less pretty because underndeath my dress inside my panties was a penis.  Not in the least.

There would come a time in my life when I would have loved to had had a vagina like other girls, when I almost hated that I had a penis between my legs, but that would be years in the future.

I wanted to share this with you because I grew up as a girl.  I did not act as girls acted.  I acted as a girl does.  I did not wear dresses and panties as a costume.  I wore them because I am a girl.  I did not like boy because girls like boys.  I liked boys because I am a girl.

My life should not be seen as that of a boy striving to be a girl.  I am a girl and I simply lived my life as a girl does.   If at time, this may seem confusing to you, know that it was never confusing to me.